I suppose it was to be expected. The signs were there.
You may recall last yearâs post about taking a sabbatical on this very blog. In it, I laid out my motivations as to why I needed to take a longer break to recover.
I also briefly wrote about prior experiences with mental exhaustion and burn-out, which I dismissed. Perhaps I was simply bored?
You may also recall that in a blogpost reflecting on the break I wrote:
I must admit that while I have gotten a lot of rest over the last three months, I donât feel in a remarkably better mood than I did when my break started. I had hoped that things would shift dramatically, but sadly the dreadful weather has worked against me and as a result my overall mood has been middling at best.
After feeling off during my vacation time in August, I became extremely tired, both physically and mentally, and my sleep quality fell off a cliff: I started waking up once every hour. That makes everything much worse, very quickly.
My ability to deal with stress has completely evaporated. Itâs bizarre: mentally, I fluctuate between feeling fine and feeling distressed. Hyperventilation happens every now and then when stressed for the most silly reasons, and itâs intensely uncomfortable.
This is what happens to the central nervous system when itâs been under a lot of stress for an extended period of time. You get stuck in âfight or flight modeâ for longer periods, until youâre almost permanently there.
I have sought professional help to ensure I can recover as soon as possible, but Iâve been told that itâs going to get worse before itâs going to get better.
I wonât be working on my open source stuff much, and I donât like asking, but your support could help make this period a little less painful financially, so consider it, please! Thank you.
When I feel better, I plan on writing a long post on the very topic. For now, all I have to say is the following: if you feel like youâre overwhelmed and exhausted, seek help. You donât need to keep pushing yourself until you break.